I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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