I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
