i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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