He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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