before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
