Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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