Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
