you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
