Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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