Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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