Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
