You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
