So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
