How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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