You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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