I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
