Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
