turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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