I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
