also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
