A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize