he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
