Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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