did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
