My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love you. Go after that dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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