lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
