I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
