This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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