Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
