i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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