I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
