I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
