If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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