note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
