The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
