Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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