I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
