I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
