Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
