4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
