I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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