i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
