Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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