I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
