Who did Billy Mays play for?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's always time for handjobs
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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