also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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