Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize