Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm passing your future prison.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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