when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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