Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
