4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
