so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
