Porn is love you can see.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
