it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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