Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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