no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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