i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
