shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
