You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
