Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
