I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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