They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
