Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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