I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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