whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
