I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
