we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
