u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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