It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
