she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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