i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
