something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
