I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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