dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
