yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
