Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
