Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
