He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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