I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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